An open letter to all mothers (and fathers, as well) who have lost a child…

I won’t add “too soon” because it is always too soon.

My mom is 80 but has never been the same after losing my brother to an accidental overdose in 2007. Yes he was a 34 year old adult, but he was my mother’s baby boy. I see the pain in her eyes every day, as I live back home with her and my dad, where my brother and I grew up in our “nuclear family” that looked so perfect from the outside looking in. My mom was an elementary school teacher & my dad a high school guidance counselor. Yet they could not save my brother from himself, from his mental illness, and from his destructive behaviors. Sending prayers, love and comfort to all who have suffered the loss of a child. Let yourself off the hook… Allow all feelings of guilt, shame and helplessness to melt away, and know in your heart, you did the best that you could. And your child did the best that he/she could.

It is nobody’s fault — as much as the tendency to blame and point fingers may be easy to fall into, avoid assigning blame and fueling your pain and feelings of loss with the anger and resentments you cling to in quiet desperation, as if those volatile emotions can fill the void in your heart and replace the sadness.

Your child’s physical presence is gone, but his/her true presence resides within you, and within source, even more so now than when he/she was developing inside you preparing for his/her birth into the world.